ArcaMax

Every so often, a school dress code materializes with a subtext like so:

Students cannot learn amid the existence of boobs, hips or butts that curve at any juncture. These features indicate the possibility of sex, which is not real, as evidenced by storks. If you are not already shaped like a Triscuit, clothing options include: the inflatable blueberry costume from "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory"; a black Hefty bag that extends past the knee; one of those spiked dog harnesses that scares coyotes; a horse blanket.

Such was the case in Hillsborough County, Florida, where the school board recently approved a policy banning leggings unless covered by a Charles Dickens nightshirt. The rule drew ire from parents who are exhausted by a black hole of 21st century threats and do not have time to wage the Lululemon wars.

Parents showed up to a board meeting ready with protests and quips. One asked for "empirical data" and "peer-reviewed studies" that had led to the rule, which is absolutely the right way to annoy a school board member. Board members, to their credit, quickly voted to reconsider.

Regulating social propriety has always been more art than science. Some teenagers will come to school pushing boundaries. Sometimes they are trying to sexually lure each other in the manner of peacock jumping spiders. It's tough out there for educators, for parents, most of all for kids trying to navigate changing bodies, peer pressures and nonstop digital input about how they should look.

But leggings are not the hill to die on, and not just because school football players get to wear them freely. There's a reason the legging sector is on track to reach $58 billion by 2031, and it's not that every gal on the planet is like, "HEYA, BIG BOY, LIKE WHAT YA SEE?"

Leggings are a comfortable, secure option during a long day of learning. You see, many students possess one thigh that touches the other thigh. When those thighs are encased in soft, pliable fabric that keeps the twain apart, it allows the person to move bipedally without forming a painful, academically distracting welt.

Many students also have a uterus, ovaries and fallopian tubes. This combination, among other biological factors, comes with a monthly hormonal shift that can cause the abdominal area to swell up. Wrapping this region in a snug, high-waisted garment offers therapeutic pressure, a small hug, if you will. Please remember that half the student population is taking exams while physically cramping and bleeding, something no one likes to talk about. Their jeans from last week might literally not fit.

Sometimes, too, students sweat while lugging stuffed backpacks across campus. This is a workout, so workout clothes are appropriate. Breathable fabric that wicks moisture while staying in place may be preferable to the billowing sweatpants from "Rocky." And, yes, some students may enjoy the look of a sleek legging that's not obscured by a prairie frock.

Dress codes that seek to blur the female form may mean well, but they almost always stop short at the visual. And in that way, they reinforce a tired cultural doctrine: Women's bodies are decorative objects designed for pleasure and procreation. As they develop, they must be hidden from men around them who lack control.

Until school boards stop reducing student dress guidelines to the most surface-level, prurient awooga factors, bans on leggings in the name of intellectual success will feel like a real stretch.

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Stephanie Hayes is a columnist at the Tampa Bay Times in Florida. Follow her at @stephrhayes on Instagram.

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