If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model.
I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull, but that's not the worst of it.
My headlights are out of focus and it's especially hard to see things up close.
My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather.
My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins.
It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed.
My fuel rate burns inefficiently.
But here's the worst of it -- almost every time I sneeze, cough or sputter.....either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires!
 
On his way to the store, DarthBean runs across Obi Wan and Quii Gonn Scared Of DarthBean Padme takes the Long way
Emma talks to guest hosts Ryan Reynolds and Hugh Jackman about working on Deadpool & Wolverine, giving Ryan COVID, shaving their head, the best advice Ryan and Hugh passed along, being on a late night show for the first ...Read More
Who talks wrong now? Anakin, Obi-Wan and the other Jedi, or Yoda? Technically Yoda is the only one in that universe who talks with the correct grammar, so is he right or wrong? These are the important questions.
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Mother: Why did you just swallow the money I gave you?
Son: Well you did say it was my lunch money!
What's a mushroom?
The place they store the school food!
Teacher: I said to draw a cow eating some grass but ...Read More
A man tells his doctor that his wife has laryngitis. The doctor said there was nothing he could do to cure it.
The man said, "Cure it? I want to prolong it."
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