Welfare Applications


Published in Jokes

For those unfamiliar, Welfare payments are made in the U.S. to individuals and families with income below a certain level. The following quotations are taken from actual letters received by the Welfare Department in applications for support of receiving payments.

- I am forwarding my marriage certificate and 6 children. I had seven but one died which was baptized on a half sheet of paper.

- I am writing the welfare department to say that my baby was born two years old. When do I get my money?

- Mrs. Jones has not had any clothes for two years and has been visited regularly by the clergy.

- I cannot get sick pay. I have six children can you tell me why?

- I am glad to report that my husband who is missing is dead.

- This is my eighth child. What are you going to do about it.

- Please find for if my husband is dead. The man I am now living with can't do anything until he knows.

- I am very much annoyed to find out that you have branded my son illiterate. This is a dirty lie as I was married a week before he was born.


- In answer to your letter, I have given birth to a son weighing 10 lbs. I hope this is satisfactory.

- I am forwarding my marriage certificate and my 3 children one of which is a mistake as you can see.

- My husband got his project cut off about two weeks ago and I haven't had any relief since.

- Unless I get my husband's money pretty soon, I will be forced to lead an immortal life.

- You have my changed little boy to a girl, will this make any difference?

- I have no children yet, as my husband is a truck driver and works night and day.

- I want money as quick as I can get it. I have been in bed with the doctor for two weeks and he doesn't do me any good. If things don't improve, I will have to send for another doctor.

- In accordance with your instructions, I have given birth to twins in the enclosed envelope.




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