Two guys walk into a bar and sit down to eat their lunches. Then the bartender says, ”Sorry, but you can’t eat your own food in here.” So the two guys look at each other and swap lunches.

Marge was in bed with a man (not her husband). All of a sudden, they heard a noise downstairs. "Oh, my gosh, your husband is home! What am I going to do?"

"Just stay in bed with me. He's probably so drunk, he won't notice...Read More

How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand.

If the speed of light is 186,000 miles/sec., what's the speed of darkness?

Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosyllabic"?

Tell a man that there are 400 ...Read More

The colder the x-ray table the more of your body is required on it.

The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is ...Read More

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.

"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we ...Read More

- What was the best thing before sliced bread?

- One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.

- Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?

- Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?...Read More