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"Here's some sad news. Martha Stewart's "Apprentice" show has been cancelled. It's the same old story...hard to get a job when you're an ex-con." --Dave Letterman

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"Give you an idea how unpopular President Bush is right now, on his flight to Japan on Air Force One. He had to sit in coach." --Jay Leno

 

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"California voters rejected all four of Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger's ballot proposals, all of them, every one, including Number One: No hogging the bench press. Number two: Towel off the incline board. Number three: Put the free weights back on the rack after use, and Number Four: Let me squeeze your buttocks and don't tell nobody." --Tina Fey on "Saturday Night Live"


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