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"Oh my God! Do you believe these fires?! People are doing whatever they can to stay safe. Like today William Shatner switched to an asbestos toupee." --Jay Leno

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"It's year 5766 according to the Jewish calendar -- and I'm still writing 5765 on my checks!" --Dave Letterman

 

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"Republican majority leader Tom DeLay was indicted and he was stripped of his congressional leadership powers. When asked what it feels like to lose all his power, DeLay said, 'I feel like a Democrat.'" --Conan O'Brien


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