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"I asked this one girl out and she said, 'You got a friend?' I said yes, she said, 'Then go out with him'" --Dom Irrera

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"I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers." --Joseph Blosephina

 

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"I have a detached retina. Actually, it's not detached. It's more emotionally unavailable." --Nick Arnette


 

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A state trooper pulls over a car on a lonely back road and approaches the driver. "Sir, is there a reason you're weaving all over the road?"

The driver replies, "Oh officer, thank goodness you're here! I almost had an ...Read More

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