Reginald Knowles, Britain's worst goalkeeper, failed to end his life today. He threw himself in front of a bus and missed.
What do you get if you cross a kangeroo and a sheep? A wooly jumper.
What do you get if you cross a waitress with a chicken? A hen that lays tables.
The landlady asked me if I minded making my own bed. I said I didn't and she said great there's a hammer and nails in the corner.