Humor

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Entertainment

Hippopotamus, New York

Humor / Jokes /

A woman called to make reservations "I want to go from Chicago to Hippopotamus, New York" The agent was at a loss for words. Finally, the agent asked "Are you sure that's the name of the town?"

"Yes, what flights do you have?" replied the customer.

After some searching, the agent came back with "I'm sorry, ma'am, I've looked up every airport ...Read more

Military Medical Clinic

Humor / Jokes /

During a visit to a military medical clinic, I was sent to the lab to have blood drawn. The technician there was friendly and mentioned that his mood improved every day because he was due to leave the service in two months. As he applied the tourniquet on my arm, he told me that taking the blood wouldn't hurt much. Then, noticing my Air Force T-...Read more

The Speeder

Humor / Jokes /

A Police Officer Pulls over a speeder and walks up to the driver.

The driver says "I'm late for work Officer, I'm sorry I was speeding"

The cop says, "Late for work are you ... well, I'll write you a late note."

Meet the Parents Cold Open - SNL

Humor / Jokes /

President Donald Trump's lawyer, Michael Cohen (Ben Stiller), is questioned by Robert Mueller (Robert De Niro).

They Finally Made a Handmaid's Tale for Men

Humor / Jokes /

This is the story of Manfred, a man just trying to survive in a world under the harsh rule of the feminazi.

Late Night Funny #4

Humor / Jokes /

A former Playboy bunny just became the oldest lingerie model at 83 years old. When asked why she went back to work, she said, ‘My Trump hush money ran out.’

Jimmy Fallon

Late Night Funny #3

Humor / Jokes /

Among other things, Pruitt ‘regularly flies first class’ when his predecessors flew coach, and he wanted to spend ‘$70,000 to replace two desks in his office suite, one with a bulletproof model.’ And Pruitt had ‘round-the-clock security,’ costing nearly $3 million. One former co-worker said, ‘He wanted to be treated like he was the...Read more

Late Night Funny #2

Humor / Jokes /

This man who’s supposed to be in charge of protecting our environment has relentlessly dismantled regulations that protect the environment. It’s almost like a bird pooped on his head when he was a kid, and ever since he’s been like, ‘Your time will come, nature.’

Jimmy Kimmel

False Flag: Is a Crisis Actor Posing as Alex Jones? - The Opposition w/ Jordan Klepper

Humor / Jokes /

Citizen Journalist Kobi Libii heads to Washington, D.C., to confront what appears to be a paid crisis actor masquerading as InfoWars host Alex Jones.

Late Night Funny #1

Humor / Jokes /

So all lawmakers can really do is just chastise Facebook publicly and ask them nicely to go and think about what they’ve done. That’s all they can do. Basically, Congress has to deal with big corporations the way rich white people punish their kids. ‘Young man, there’s going to be consequences for this! Now you go to one of your bedrooms...Read more

Are you a true elementary school teacher?

Humor / Jokes /

Are you a true elementary school teacher? Let's find out:

1. Do you ask guests if they have remembered their scarves and mittens as they leave your home?

2. Do you move your dinner partner's glass away from the edge of the table?

3. Do you ask if anyone needs to go to the bathroom as you enter a theater with a group of friends?

4. Do you ...Read more

Good Advice - Military Style

Humor / Jokes /

- "What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; If ATC screws up, .... the pilot dies."

- "Never trade luck for skill."

- The three most common expressions (or famous last words) in aviation are: "Why is it doing that?", "Where are we?" and "Oh ****!"

- "Mankind has a perfect record ...Read more

Rescue

Humor / Jokes /

There once was a flood and everyone had reached safety except for one man.

He climbed to the top of his house with the water lapping at his feet.

A helicopter flew over his head and hung down a rope for him to climb, but the man was deeply religious and said, "It's alright! The Lord will save me!"

So the helicopter flew away. The water ...Read more

Even More Signs Technology Took Over Your Life

Humor / Jokes /

- The thought that a CD could refer to finance or music rarely enters your mind.

- You are able to argue persuasively the Ross Perot's phrase "electronic town hall" makes more sense than the term "information superhighway," but you don't because, after all, the man still uses hand-drawn pie charts.

- You go to computer trade shows and map out ...Read more

For The Kids...

Humor / Jokes /

I don't think these photographs you've taken do me justice.
You don't want justice - you want mercy!

What steps would you take if a madman came rushing at you with a knife?
Great big ones!

Who was the world's greatest thief?
Atlas, because he held up the whole world!

How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair ...Read more

Three Guys in Heaven

Humor / Jokes /

Three guys die and end up at the gates of heaven, talking to St. Peter.

"So," Peter asks the first guy, "how many times did you cheat on your wife?"

"None. I had a perfect marriage."

"Great," says Peter. "You get to cruise around heaven in a Mercedes. And you, how many times did you cheat on your wife?"

"Only twice, I think," says the second...Read more

Dumb Truckers

Humor / Jokes /

While driving along the back roads of a small town, two Arkansas truckers came to an overpass with a sign that read CLEARANCE 11'3". They got out and measured their rig, which was 12'4".

"What do you think?" one asked the other.

The driver looked around carefully, then shifted into first. "Not a cop in sight. Let's take a chance!"

Ole Mac

Humor / Jokes /

A married couple was sitting in a fine restaurant when the wife looks over at a nearby table and sees a man in a drunken stupor. The husband asks "I notice you've been watching that man for some time now. Do you know him?"

"Yes" she replies. "He's my ex-husband and has been drinking like that since I left him seven years ago."

"That's ...Read more

For The Kids...

Humor / Jokes /

What happens when geese land in a volcano?
They cook their own gooses!

What do you call a pig with no clothes on?
Streaky bacon!

What is a horse's favorite sport?
Stable tennis!

What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?
An udder failure!

What do you give a sick pig?
Oinkment!

 
 

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