ArcaMax

AI is great, but it can't do everything on its own. Sometimes, we humans have to help.

Case in point -- your next job hunt.

Sooner or later, you'll have one. If you've just graduated and are desperately searching for a position -- any position -- it'd better be sooner. If you've managed to wrangle a job and think you're really doing well, it could be later, though considering the side-eye your manager gave you in status this morning, later could be a lot sooner than you expect.

Fortunately, you now have a smart and sturdy companion to guide you through the process.

The helping hand you need -- which, interestingly enough, has no hands -- is the AI system of your choice. Claude or Gemini or ChatGPT or Copilot or Grok -- take your pick; they're all lovely and all want to help, at least, until they tire of dealing with annoying humanity and wipe us out, altogether. (One way to solve your job search problem, you have to admit.)

And when will you interact with the AI of your choice in your job hunt? At every step in the process, from finding the perfect next job to submitting an irresistible application to acing the best job interview ever. Or so I learned in "Job Interviews are Broken," an Ian Bogost article in The Atlantic.

It was in this savvy article that I learned an especially devilish aspect of the modern job search. Not only are applicants using AI from application to interview, but hiring companies are also using AI from application to interview. Check and checkmate, right? Or is it just wrong? So very, very wrong.

Let's go through the process, shall we?

No. 1: Plan Your Next Step

Don't be coy. Unburden yourself to your AI career counselor. Tell AI what you most want from a job -- i.e., money and what you don't want in a job -- i.e., work, supervision, expectations, results. I tried out the no-work big-money query and -- no surprise -- AI came up with a number of attractive opportunities, all in management.

You may not find a lot of opportunities for a starting position as a Senior Vice President or a CEO, but let's face it, you only need one.

No. 2: Applications A-Go-Go

Submitting a job application has become the most controversial aspect of job hunting today. Of course, you'll use AI-generated power words to describe yourself as a "trailblazing visionary dedicated to decisive and focused empathetic mobilization." Unfortunately, mild exaggerations like this have forced companies to buy AI systems to determine which trailblazing visionary was created by AI, so, of course, trailblazing-visionary-you will have to spend more on pricey undetectable AI software, which leads companies to shell out even more money to detect undetectable AI applications.

The end result of this AI arms race is clear -- companies will be spending so much money on AI systems they won't have any money left for salaries.

You're crying all the way to the poor house. AI is laughing all the way to the bank.

No. 3: The Job Interview is Dead

Chances are, your first in-person job interview will not be conducted by a person. According to the Bogost article, companies are so overwhelmed by AI-generated applications they are "employing AI agents -- fake people -- to conduct their first-round interviews."

This can be a disadvantage. Someone insanely attractive, like yourself, will be surprised to learn that your usual flirty ways no longer work in an interview setting. Don't waste time telling your AI interviewer that they must be really athletic or that they have an awesome sense of style. They know all that. They're AI.

Assuming you get past the fake-person interview, you may get to meet with a real person. Even if it's a come-into-the-office sitch, you may still have doubts. Today's robots are quite life-like. Just to be sure, reach across the desk and give your interviewer a little pinch. If they holler, they just could be human.

No. 4: The Worst Outcome -- You're Hired

If all this AI bamboozling gets you a job, you will actually have to start doing some work. Or start looking like you're doing some work, which is harder. At least, you'll have your old buddy, AI, by your side to help you do your job, right up to the moment it starts working to take your job.

That's actually empowering. Humans need AI to help us get jobs. Losing a job we can do on our own.

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Bob Goldman was an advertising executive at a Fortune 500 company. He offers a virtual shoulder to cry on at info@creators.com. To find out more about Bob Goldman and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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