Undressing for Success
No. 1: Go formal.
With all your co-workers going gross, stand out from the crowd by going formal. A tuxedo makes everyone look better -- and don't forget to forget the shirt. Going full Timothee Chalamet makes any schlub a star.
Wearing a ballgown to the next staff meeting is another statement that will make you stand out from the hoi polloi. No need to explain what requires you to dress like a Hapsburg princess at the king's coronation, but a deep curtsy to C-suiters when they enter the room demonstrates a fealty that most managers find very attractive.
No. 2: Sporty Spice
In today's competitive environment, it pays to show you have the strength and the stamina to go the distance. A helmet will prove you are prepared for the inevitable brain damage that comes with your job. Wearing open-finger gloves and a mouth guard demonstrates that you are ready to fight like an MMA superstar when it comes giving your competitors a beat-down.
Not sure what message you want to send? Full scuba gear says that when it comes to company initiatives, you are prepared to go deep. (Be sure to take off your flippers when go home at night. You don't want to scare the dog.)
No. 3: Cosplay Time
Every boss wants a superhero on their team. Show your ability to think out of the box by coming to work as Harley Quinn. Demonstrate your flexibility by wearing a Spiderman outfit, or set yourself up for a cushy position in HR by going full Riddler.
Do pay close attention to the costumes worn by the management team. If anyone in the C-suite comes to work dressed as the Grim Reaper, it's time to dust off your resume.
No. 4: Naked is the best disguise.
Coming to work naked says you don't want to waste valuable time thinking about what to wear. It also says you have nothing to hide, not even your goosebumps.
Still worried about showing too much toe cleavage? Go naked, but keep your socks on. You don't want people to think you're weird.
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Bob Goldman was an advertising executive at a Fortune 500 company. He offers a virtual shoulder to cry on at bob@bgplanning.com. To find out more about Bob Goldman and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
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