Undressing for Success

The toes knows. That's what I have to say about the biggest threat facing your career today. Toes. Or, to be specific, toe cleavage.

As I'm sure you'll agree, how you manage your toes is critically important to how you are perceived in the workplace. This is not a problem in winter, when your toes are locked away in the solitary confinement of clunky shoes and heavy boots, but with spring on the horizon, it is only natural that your fancy lightly turns to thoughts of letting your toes fly free.

Stylish sandals, strappy slingbacks or crunchy Birkenstocks: They're kicky and comfy, yes, but are they appropriate for business wear? Will showing toe cleavage wreck your career? These are the questions at hand, or should I say, at foot.

If you think the issue of toe cleavage is not worthy of serious discussion in a much-loved business humor column -- I'm sure there must be one somewhere -- think again.

"Toes Out in the Work Place? You Might Want to Tread Carefully" is the title of Vanessa Friedman's recent Ask Vanessa column in The New York Times. If you ask Bob, it's a subject that demands serious analysis. And while I certainly don't want to step on any toes, I'm just the fashionista who can do it.

Of course, connecting the polka dots between what you wear and what you earn is not limited to your pedal extremities, nor are evolving workplace wardrobe issues limited to these United States.

In another Times article, Claire Fu and Daisuke Wakabayashi report on a what-to-wear-to-work issue that is inflaming businesses all across China. The headline says it all: "Furry Slippers and Sweatpants: Young Chinese Embrace 'Gross Outfits' at work."

For the Chinese, a "gross outfit" consists of messy hair, fluffy pajamas, fuzzy sweatshirts, clumpy sweatpants and furry slippers. These items are sometimes worn separately, but usually, they are all worn at once, creating a layered, "just-rolled-out-of-bed look shockingly casual for most Chinese workplaces."

And for most American workplaces, too, don't you think?

There's no question that when it comes to work, how you look makes a difference in how you do. But there are many more options than a toe-flasher or a gross-dresser could imagine. If you are still stuck with debating whether Lulu or Banana offers the right blend of ath and leisure for your workplace, your look needs a new look. Step over to the mirror and let's discuss options.

No. 1: Go formal.

With all your co-workers going gross, stand out from the crowd by going formal. A tuxedo makes everyone look better -- and don't forget to forget the shirt. Going full Timothee Chalamet makes any schlub a star.

Wearing a ballgown to the next staff meeting is another statement that will make you stand out from the hoi polloi. No need to explain what requires you to dress like a Hapsburg princess at the king's coronation, but a deep curtsy to C-suiters when they enter the room demonstrates a fealty that most managers find very attractive.

No. 2: Sporty Spice

In today's competitive environment, it pays to show you have the strength and the stamina to go the distance. A helmet will prove you are prepared for the inevitable brain damage that comes with your job. Wearing open-finger gloves and a mouth guard demonstrates that you are ready to fight like an MMA superstar when it comes giving your competitors a beat-down.

Not sure what message you want to send? Full scuba gear says that when it comes to company initiatives, you are prepared to go deep. (Be sure to take off your flippers when go home at night. You don't want to scare the dog.)

No. 3: Cosplay Time

Every boss wants a superhero on their team. Show your ability to think out of the box by coming to work as Harley Quinn. Demonstrate your flexibility by wearing a Spiderman outfit, or set yourself up for a cushy position in HR by going full Riddler.

Do pay close attention to the costumes worn by the management team. If anyone in the C-suite comes to work dressed as the Grim Reaper, it's time to dust off your resume.

No. 4: Naked is the best disguise.

Coming to work naked says you don't want to waste valuable time thinking about what to wear. It also says you have nothing to hide, not even your goosebumps.

Still worried about showing too much toe cleavage? Go naked, but keep your socks on. You don't want people to think you're weird.

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Bob Goldman was an advertising executive at a Fortune 500 company. He offers a virtual shoulder to cry on at bob@bgplanning.com. To find out more about Bob Goldman and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.