Taking the Kids: What about Thanksgiving?
It's so scary, and, it adds significantly to holiday stress, especially when relatives aren’t on the same page, says Dr. Vaile Wright, a Chicago clinical psychologist and spokesman for the American Psychological Association.
It’s even worse for divorced families who disagree. “What does and doesn't make sense may vary in different parts of the country, “said Dr. David Fassler, a Vermont child and adolescent psychiatrist and professor at the University of Vermont’s medical school. Consult with the child's pediatrician or family physician,” he suggested and “work together to come up with a plan that's realistic and consistent with current guidelines and recommendations. That may involve changes to the usual schedule.”
This at the time when kids already are under additional stress because their routines and lives have been so disrupted. As for the mother or mother-in-law who is trying to guilt you into coming, Dr. Wright suggests it might help to write down what you want to say before the inevitable phone conversation, something like, “I know you are disappointed, we are too, but we have to do what’s right for our family…”
Suggest a Zoom call when everyone is sitting at the table in different houses so that you can all feel connected. “Don’t second guess yourself, and keep politics out of it,” she advises.
Who knows, maybe your mother-in-law will be secretly relieved she doesn’t have to cook for so many people this year. Maybe the kids will be relieved they do not have to pretend to like annoying cousins. Maybe your spouse is relieved not to spend time with the brother-in-law he cannot stand.
Instead, the experts suggest, see this holiday season as a chance to start a new tradition.
“Remember it isn’t always going to be like this,” Dr. Wright says.
Adds Dr. Iovine, “Keeping Thanksgiving small—or not having Thanksgiving—is a loving thing to do for your family.”
Who likes turkey that much, anyway?
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(For more Taking the Kids, visit www.takingthekids.com and also follow TakingTheKids on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram where Eileen Ogintz welcomes your questions and comments. The Kid’s Guide to Philadelphia, the 13th in the kid’s guide series, was published in 2020, with The Kid’s Guide to Camping coming in 2021.)
©2020 Eileen Ogintz. Distributed by Tribune Content Agency, LLC.
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