It's Not Just You
It is hard to stay sane in this crazy world! Luckily, many of the conditions plaguing Americans today are mild and temporary. Including:
Hairanoia: The suspicion that everybody is just saying they love your new haircut.
Kinsomnia: The inability to fall asleep once one starts thinking about one's family.
Rexhibitionism: Childhood compulsion to show dinosaur figurines to everyone, even strangers on the street.
Seasonings affective disorder: Manifested by the need to glop Sriracha on things that taste just fine the way they are.
Dementionate: Compulsively nice behavior -- the lending of money, sharing of fries, remembering of birthdays -- sparking waves of unworthiness on the part of the recipient.
Socialism Anxiety: Inability to converse with anyone who voted for Bernie Sanders.
Hippochondria: The conviction that one's hips look about a mile wide in the outfit one idiotically chose to wear today.
Angoraphobia: The fear of being way too hot in a sweater.
Delusions of Grandes: Compulsive fantasizing about one's next Starbucks, even while sipping a Frappuccino right now.
...continued
Copyright 2023 Creators Syndicate, Inc.
