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The First, and Only, Honest Christmas Cookie Recipe


This is an honest Christmas cookie recipe.

Current fashion in online recipes is to begin by treating readers to a personal essay about the emotional impact almonds have had on your life, followed by a culinary genealogy of cookies, stretching back to William the Conqueror.

But I've got 354 presents to wrap, so let's get going.


Butter, brought to room temperature. On the countertop, this takes between three hours and four days. Or microwave it and accidentally create butter soup. Your call.

Flour. You likely have a bag left over from the Great Bread-Making Era of the Pandemic. Expiration date: July 2021. I'm sure it's fine, though.


Slivered (not chopped) raw (not roasted) almonds. They're in the baking aisle. Or the snack aisle. Or the candy aisle or the seasonal aisle. Or maybe an end cap with the fruitcake ingredients, conveniently placed for the three people in the world who still make fruitcake.

Powdered sugar. How much? Well, when you sneeze, your kitchen's going to look like Pablo Escobar's bathroom.

1/16 tsp of an exotic ingredient requiring four grocery store trips and a final, desperate drive across town to a specialty shop where the proprietor has blue hair, smells like patchouli and wears a T-shirt reading, "Ask me about my podcast."

Now you're ready to bake!


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1 and Done Archie Scary Gary Peter Kuper Jimmy Margulies Mike Lester