Q: You're meeting someone you're interested in for drinks, but you're not sure if it's a date. How should you proceed?
A: If you're out for drinks with someone and you're not sure if it's a date, I'm all for being direct and asking if it's a date.
But how you ask is important. Be a little flirty, not just at the end of the night but throughout the evening, and make sure to smile. You can say something like, "That was really fun! I'd love to do it again sometime." Pause to see how he or she responds. Then add, "Hey, by the way, I'm curious. Was that a date?"
One of my clients had a similar situation, in which she was meeting a former work colleague for drinks. She wasn't sure what his intentions were, but she knew she was interested in dating him. She remembered him as a smart, good-looking, interesting guy. We talked about how she could let him know her intentions without feeling too vulnerable.
She dressed for a date, not a work meeting, in a skirt, a colorful blouse and boots. She flirted and kept the conversation focused on topics that were not work-related, such as discussing their passions and dreams. At the end of the evening, she came right out and asked if it was a date. He said, "Of course! Did you want it to be a date?" I'm happy to report it was her last first date, and they got married last year!
- Sandy Weiner, dating and relationship coach
A: I suggest that you go on this date without an expectation or agenda. When you go in with an analytical energy, the person you're meeting can feel this, and it's an attraction killer.
When you are present and not in your head, you are in your body and are solely focused on having fun. You become more relaxed by leaning into your chair versus sitting upright.
The person you are meeting will pick up on your presence and therefore become attracted to you. The events of the evening will naturally unfold themselves, and then you will receive your answer on whether it was a date.
- Soni Amora, dating and relationship coach
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