ArcaMax

Dear Annie: Please give me your opinion. I am an 84-year-old widow. I have one child, a son, and one grandchild in town. My other children live hours away. I no longer drive. I am financially independent and have someone to come clean twice a month, drive me to run errands, go to the doctor, do grocery shopping and take me to the beauty shop.

I have taken care of my parents and my husband's parents, and I know this can be very tiring. I truly hate to have to call on my children. I try to be careful, and I don't spend unnecessarily. It adds up when you have to have extra help. My son is very caring, takes me to the doctor and never complains about helping me. I have friends who are in the same situation.

I had hoped my son would offer to go to the grocery store for me. It would save me some money. I hate to impose. I was ordering my groceries to be delivered after I had some issues with a different lady who was getting my groceries for me. I became concerned when I was having groceries delivered. I live alone and use a walker, and a neighbor pointed out that people who deliver groceries are well aware if you live alone. I have friends who are in the same situation and their children shop for them. Would I be expecting too much? Thank you. -- Elder Eager to Stay Independent

Dear Elder: You're obviously a very thoughtful, financially responsible, independent senior. But just because you're able to find solutions to your challenges doesn't mean you should feel obligated to handle everything on your own all the time.

It sounds like your son is caring and more than willing to help in whatever way you need. As far as grocery shopping, it might not even register for him what a load off your plate his help would be since you've been handling it on your own for so long. The next time you're with him, just ask. You're not a burden nor is it an imposition -- acts of love and service like this are exactly what family is for.

Dear Annie: This note is in regard to "Bummer Friend," who wrote in about her negative friend who lives alone, lost her leg and has limited ability to go out. It sounds like this woman could be severely depressed and could greatly benefit from professional counseling and perhaps antidepressants.

Depression can express itself in many forms, including anger, withdrawal and negativity. Also, asking the negative friend if she felt depressed might open an easier pathway to discuss her behavior and communication style and potential benefits of therapy.

Thank you from a loyal reader! -- Another Idea

Dear Another Idea: Something like losing a leg can indeed trigger depression, and I appreciate you writing in to draw attention to that very likely possibility. It's also always helpful to come from a place of concern -- such as inquiring about a loved one's health, whether it be mental or physical -- rather than accusation when you hope to change someone's behavior. Thank you for writing in.

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"How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?" is out now! Annie Lane's second anthology -- featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation -- is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.