Spending Split Is Too Uneven
Dear Annie: My boyfriend and I don't really keep track of our spending, but we try to make it pretty even by trading off who pays for different expenses -- groceries, date nights, travel costs, etc. We both have good jobs, and we make about the same amount of money.
Recently, however, we sat down to look at our finances and our monthly budgets. When I did the math, I discovered that I've been paying for way more than he has.
When I told him this, he just kind of shrugged. I asked him, "What should we do about this?" and he just responded, "I don't know, what do you want to do?" I don't want him to feel obligated to pay for everything, and I don't want to have to split every tiny expense in half, but this is more uneven than I'm comfortable with. What can I do? -- Super Spender
Dear Super Spender: It's easy for your finances to get away from you when you don't keep track of them. Good on you for taking control of your spending -- better late than never! Now it's time to take this one step further: creating a budget and sticking to it.
Since you and your boyfriend have separate bank accounts, it makes sense to have two separate budgets. Make sure you're both comfortable with the budgets you create. There are some helpful and easy-to-use apps out there, like Mint and Copilot, that allow you to check up on your budget throughout the month to make sure you're staying on track. Good luck!
Dear Annie: I just moved to a new city where I don't know anybody. I'm trying to make friends, but it's hard as an adult. I joined an adult soccer team, and I started volunteering. I just don't seem to be clicking with anybody.
There is one person I already know who lives in this city -- a guy named "Mike." The only problem is, Mike is the ex-boyfriend of my very best friend "Emma." They had a messy breakup and no longer talk to each other. Every time he's brought up, Emma changes the subject. Honestly, though, I always got along with Mike, and I always (secretly) thought their reason for breaking up was sort of silly. I want to reach out to him, but I don't think I could tell Emma if I did, which would make me feel guilty. What do I do?! -- Lost and Lonely
Dear Lost and Lonely: Lying to your loved ones and enduring feelings of guilt are two telltale signs that you're probably making the wrong decision.
Emma is clearly triggered by the breakup. It sounds like your bond with her is more powerful than your draw toward him -- and why jeopardize a best friendship over someone you merely "got along" with in the past? There are plenty of fish in the sea; keep trying.
"How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?" is out now! Annie Lane's second anthology -- featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation -- is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to firstname.lastname@example.org.