Single Mom Sees A Future With Two Different Men
DEAR ABBY: I am a 37-year-old divorced mom of two. I have recently gotten into relationships with two completely different men. One of them, Steve, has the life I have always wanted, and he says he loves me more than life itself. The other, Rick, I love more than life itself, but sometimes I have the feeling he doesn't love me as much as I do him.
If I were to love Steve the way I love Rick or if Rick were to love me the way Steve does, the decision would be clear. I can see myself making a life with either of them. I risk losing either one as a friend if I pick the other one.
They both love my kids, and I love theirs. Both want to build a life with me. How do I decide which path to take? Once I choose, how do I not have questions or doubts about what might have been if I had chosen the other? HELP! -- STUCK IN A LOVE TRIANGLE
DEAR TRIANGLE: You are no more stuck than you want to be. I know what decision I would make if my choice was between a man who loved me more than life itself and who could give me the life I had always dreamed of, and someone I was crazy about but suspected didn't love me as much -- but only you can decide what is right for you and your children. I don't think you should marry either man unless you are confident you can do it without second-guessing yourself.
DEAR ABBY: I am 72 years old and I cry a lot. I'm so resentful of my ex-co-workers and my former friends I can't stand it.
I have lost two cherished wives, two children and one grandchild, while those people still have their first wives and all their children and grandchildren. Why did I have to lose people I loved? I am so full of anger that I no longer believe in God. What am I to do? Do I need therapy? -- OLD AND HATEFUL IN TEXAS
DEAR OLD AND HATEFUL: You have suffered more than your share of loss, and for that, please accept my sympathy. The problem with harboring resentment and anger is that, unchecked, they feed upon themselves and grow. A therapist could be helpful by giving you a safe place to vent those emotions.
It is normal to cry when in emotional pain, but you could also benefit from talking with a grief counselor or joining a grief support group. Your physician may be able to suggest one. Please don't wait.
DEAR ABBY: My child attends a private elementary school. The school is trying to discourage gossip, which can lead to teasing and bullying. The way they do it is, when a child asks a question about another child, the teacher's answer is, That's none of your business.
Whether I agree with that response is irrelevant because I feel schools have the right to run themselves the way they deem proper. However, isn't there a nicer way to phrase it? I think I remember hearing years ago something like, Please tend to your own affairs. -- CLAMPING DOWN ON GOSSIP
DEAR CLAMPING DOWN: I agree that whoever wrote the script for those educators was less than tactful. A better way to phrase it would be, You do you, and stop worrying about other people, which might be less harsh.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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