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Ask Amy: Wife braces herself for husband’s adultery

Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

Perhaps you were his phantom dentist during his first marriage?

If so, you detect a pattern of deceit because in the past you were a part of it.

I can think of many activities your husband might be doing during his non-existent dentist appointments which he might want to keep private, including pursuing sex with another woman – or man.

I do know this: Most couples married for two years do not have “ad nauseum” discussions about unfaithfulness.

Furthermore, I don’t think most couples double check on their spouse’s various appointments to the extent that you have – unless your husband was claiming dental expenses that don’t exist for tax deductions. If that is the case, then you could add fraud to the possibility that he is a philanderer.

Yes, there is an extreme lack of trust in your relationship, and before hiring a private investigator – or leaving altogether – you two should sit down with a counselor.

 

If your husband won’t go, you should seek therapy on your own. If your gut is telling you that your husband is unfaithful, therapy will help you to decide what to do next, because you’re right – staying in this marriage without change is not at all good for your emotional well-being.

Dear Amy: I have been with my girlfriend for three years. We live together and get along really well. We are very open with each other. We also use each other’s phones – no big deal – but we don’t go through each other’s phones. I’ve never gone through her text messages and I assume she has never gone through mine.

I recently used her phone because mine was in our car. I was looking something up when a text message came in from her sister. I could see my name mentioned in the notification so I clicked on it and saw an entire conversation with her sister about me.

I was completely shocked by what I saw. She criticized my looks, my habits, even our sex life. She referred to me by an offensive name. It was just a stream of terrible stuff.

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