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Ask Amy: Married couple ponders ‘opening’ their union

Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

Dear Amy: My wife and I have been married for five years. Each of us has brought up the topic of having an open marriage at one time or another.

There is nothing wrong or missing in our marriage and our intimate life is incredible.

I am wondering – is this a healthy curiosity on our parts, or are we just asking for trouble?

– Confused

Dear Confused: Discussing having an open marriage isn’t asking for trouble. Committed and intimate partners should discuss their hopes, dreams, fears and fantasies.

Longer married people understand through experience that marriage can be very hard work. Life unfolds in its untidy way, and tests commitments. Work, family, illness, and financial issues will challenge every couple.

 

Wondering who your spouse is having sex with tonight adds a layer of stress that a lot of people couldn’t handle.

My basic point is that if your marriage ain’t broke, don’t try to fix it by bringing other people into it.

On the other hand, if you don’t have children at home and can mutually agree to parameters that will allow you to explore your sexual and relationship curiosity with other people while still staying emotionally committed to each other, you might take the leap.

If you choose to try this, I think it would be prudent to consider or imagine what your life would be like without your spouse in it, because for many people, “opening” a marriage eventually leads to ending it.

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