Ask Amy: Friend won’t let bestie be ‘the other woman’
Dear Worried: I agree with you that your best friend is most likely “knowingly” the “other woman” in an affair.
You must agree that she has access to all of the information you have access to – and more.
And so, if she is knowingly engaging in this relationship, you have no duty to tell her, and you certainly have absolutely no business notifying “Jonas’” partner, who is a total stranger.
In short, none of this is any of your business. Congratulations! You’re completely off the hook.
You obviously don’t approve of this, and you may be worried about your friend getting hurt in a situation that is almost guaranteed to hurt at least one of the involved parties. These are things you have the right to express, using “I statements,” as in: “I really don’t approve of what you are doing. I’m very worried that you are going to get hurt.”
That’s it. Your friend has the right to live her own life, the way she wants to live it. Her choices may harm her, and may harm her relationship with you. Those are the consequences of her choices, and she – and you – will have to accept them.
Dear Amy: I’m in my mid-20’s and have been living with my folks, post-college, while I save money to move out on my own. I sleep (and mainly live) in my childhood bedroom. I work in a restaurant, so I eat most of my meals out. I pay $350 a month to my mother to rent my room.
I bring home a fair amount of cash from tips. Because of that, and honestly because I suspected my mom was going through and occasionally borrowing my things, I installed a camera which is connected to my phone.
Long story short – I saw my mother enter my room and engage in what I would call basic “snooping” behavior. Reading stuff that was on my desk, looking at bills, looking in my closet.
I was sort of creeped-out but not surprised. I asked her about it the next day and she was highly offended that I had installed the camera. She insisted that I remove it because it is “her house.”
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