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Ask Amy: Parent wonders whether to bail out daughter

Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

Dear Amy: My daughter is 37, and has been married for 15 years. She and her husband have three boys, ages 13, 10, and 3.

She pursued a divorce in the most destructive way possible, by moving a male “friend” (who has three children of his own) into her marital home.

He needed lodging because of his pending divorce. My son-in-law allowed it. Later, when the “friend” moved into his apartment, my daughter moved in with him.

My daughter and son-in-law are now at the point where they need to decide who, if either of them, keeps the house.

Both of them want to buy the other out, but will not be able to do so without financial help from my husband and me.

To keep my grandsons in their home, I am inclined to assist my son-in-law instead of my daughter. He has a well-paying job that negates the possibility of foreclosure, while my daughter has just entered the workforce and is making a low wage.

 

I don’t see how she could possibly make house payments.

I am perfectly willing to help my daughter financially in other ways – with rent on an apartment, for instance.

I want what is best for my grandchildren. Should I butt out and let the home be sold and any profit divided between them?

Neither of them will find comparable living space they will be able to afford, and the children having to move and “downgrade” is distressing.

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