Ask Amy: Former in-law’s contact riles hurt feelings
You should respond now by sending her a card, thanking her for years of friendship and for being a good grandparent to your child.
You could include a gentle goodbye: “Hearing from you makes me feel sad, but your son has asked that I not be in touch with your family, and (aside from this note) I have made a decision not to defy him. That’s why I haven’t responded to you. I’m going to say goodbye with appreciation. Know that I am doing well, and I wish you all the very best.”
Dear Amy: We live in the South, where many people have swimming pools (we don’t).
We’ve known our neighbor “Ned” ever since we moved in, seven years ago. He is middle-aged and single. We’re friendly, but not close friends.
He has a nice pool, and obviously this is a huge draw for our kids, who are 7 and 11.
Ned has been super-nice about his pool and has let the kids know that they are welcome to use it, any time.
Now that our daughter is 11, she wants to go over there by herself. Ned says that’s fine and he’ll keep an eye on her while she’s there.
This doesn’t feel right, but our daughter is pressuring us, and we’re not sure what to do.
– Puzzled Parents
Dear Puzzled: That’s a solid “no.” You do not want your children hanging out at an adult neighbor’s house without a parent also being physically present.
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