Ask Amy: Donor father now wants biological siblings to meet
I'm worried that if I share my feelings, they'll stop texting me altogether.
– Cranky Before Noon
Dear Cranky: First, a word for tolerance.
You find these texts irritating, even though you have turned off your notifications.
So – simply knowing that this exchange is sitting silently in your phone bothers you. I’m not judging you (I get it!), but you must admit that this is the essence of sweating the small stuff.
Irritations can sometimes be mitigated by reframing them into humor, especially if you can use the irritation to laugh at yourself.
Buddhist thinker Pema Chodron provides a useful way to develop more tolerance – by “practicing” on the small things. You train yourself to tolerate smaller irritations (sitting in traffic, sitting on hold, minor mix-ups in your food order, pesky and perky “good mornings”). Through practice, you change your perspective and your behavior as you go.
It works!
If you are unable or unwilling to try this technique, you could text both of your friends: “You may notice that I don’t respond to your ‘Good morning’ messages. I have a confession to make: I’m a total crankypants before noon. Could we get two text threads going? One for you two to greet each other in the morning, and one to loop me in for our longer convos? I’m sorry to be such a grouch. I LOVE our connection – especially any day after noon.”
Dear Amy: I’d like to add an additional point to your response to “Worried Mom” and the anxiety she has over the challenges her young adult sons face as they navigate the world.
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