Ask Amy: A guest waffles on potlucks and raffles

Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on May 20, 2023

I am really turned off by this approach.

I have a feeling they will sever both personal and professional ties with me if I don’t attend this wedding.

Our line of work does not give the time off or the financial ability, and this particular friend should understand this more than anyone. I will not go into debt in order to attend every wedding I'm invited to.

How should I approach this?

– Frugal & Frustrated

Dear Frugal: I assume you are tempted to shoot back a text: “Sorry, but I am unable to meet your demands at this time,” but I suggest waiting until you receive a “save the date” or actual invitation, and RSVP your regrets promptly and politely.

My basic point is that it feels better to be polite – even when others are rude. It also makes you feel as if you’ve “won” the exchange.

If you send your polite and prompt regrets and this person comes back at you aggressively, implying or stating that your friendship is on the line, you could then respond, “This sort of aggression doesn’t really inspire compliance, but I hope you have a wonderful and joyful wedding.”

Dear Amy: “Trying to be a Good Neighbor” was a professional landscaper concerned about their neighbor’s invasive lesser celandine plant taking over the property. I liked your answer, but you offered replacing it with two other non-native plants, which are also invasive!

– Plant Lover

Dear Lover: Several people pointed this out, prompting me to rethink my own garden’s ground cover. Gardeners should always check with their state’s agriculture website or garden center before planting.

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(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)