Ask Amy: Elder man worries his daughter has ‘quit’ him
I have chosen to not only write her completely out of my will, but I will not leave any money to her new child. Instead, I will leave everything to my son.
I will have multiple millions of dollars in my estate and as I take my last breaths in life I will have a sense of pleasure knowing how shocked she and her husband will be when my will is read.
– Dad in Name Only
Dear Dad: Your daughter seems happy to see you when she sees you. She tells you she loves you.
To me, this sounds like a relationship that has some strains at the seams, but also room for growth.
If your ex has poisoned your daughter toward you, then – as her father – can’t you hold some compassion toward her? You seem to be blaming your daughter for a dynamic created by her mother’s behavior during an extremely important and emotionally formative time in a teen’s life.
You are obviously very hurt, but there are areas where you could work harder to try to knit together the shreds of this relationship.
You could tell your daughter that you are sorry she and her brother endured a tough divorce. You could tell her that you would like to build a better relationship with her, now. You could express truthfully that you feel wounded because you would like to be closer, but you’re not sure how to go about it. You could ask if she is willing to try.
Furthermore, your attitude toward your baby grandchild is completely misplaced. What has this baby ever done to you?
Your rage is not good for you.
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