Ask Amy: Teen girl judges others, wants to change
— Judgmental Teenager
Dear Teenager: First of all, I admire your motivation to change.
Being judgmental is a universal human trait. When you think about it, using your judgment about others is an important evolutionary survival tool. If you don’t know someone personally, you need to rely on your instincts and judgment to discern whether you are safe around them.
I agree with you that the next stage in your development should be to work on the harsh voice in your head in order to let others in — no matter what they’re wearing. When you give others a chance, you are really giving yourself a chance — to grow into the kind of person you want to be.
Can you change? Of course you can! Like all change, it will take time, practice, and persistence.
I do need to offer a corrective observation, and I hope you will pay attention.
The words you use to describe other girls (“slut” and “whore”) are rude and sexist, while the words you use to describe boys are much less offensive.
This is an example of how misogyny has permeated our culture, and you — a smart and capable girl — should not perpetuate it, even inside your head.
Using more neutral language will help you to behave differently.
Dear Amy: I have a dear friend who I’ve known for over 40 years.
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