Ask Amy: Severed sister relationship lasts 60 years
Is there hope after all this time that trust can be re-established?
How should they make amends?
They are now all senior citizens, and they could both benefit greatly from each other’s companionship and love.
Your advice?
– Fractured Family
Dear Fractured: The older sister seems to have spent all of her compassion and forgiveness on the man who sexually abused her young and vulnerable sister during much of the girl’s childhood.
Where is her compassion, forgiveness and understanding toward her sister, who suffered as a child – and who might continue to suffer?
Sexual abuse of a child is the ultimate violation. The older sister does not have the right to claim victimhood, but this might be her way to try to paper over her own guilt – and perhaps win sympathy as a way back into the family fold.
Your letter highlights the legacy of childhood trauma which, unless addressed in a therapeutic context, will continue to hurt and divide family members – possibly into the next generation, when no one will even know the origin story.
Both of these sisters are locked into intractable positions. Nothing will change unless they are both inspired and motivated to honestly state their truths.
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