Ask Amy: Couple could include ‘church family’ in wedding
Dear Wondering: Any statement that begins with “Don’t take this the wrong way …” includes an invitation – if not a demand – to take it the wrong way. (After all, is there any “right” way?)
In the moment, you might have listened to this balderdash and perhaps responded: “Well then, how would you like me to take this?”
At this point, I think you should interpret this as a somewhat desperate and rude statement made by a deeply insecure person.
And yes, while you will probably always remember this and attach it to your brother-in-law, at this point I think that you should prove who comes first by behaving impeccably and with total confidence.
Dear Amy: I have a friend who has given me a subscription to an online lecture series about some obscure ancient history, with the expectation that I will spend my Saturday afternoons attending these virtual lectures with her.
I have absolutely no interest!
How do I say “no thank you” to this kind of gift without hurting her feelings?
– Feeling Ungrateful
Dear Ungrateful: It is risky to give a gift that requires regular attendance without clearing it with the recipient ahead of time.
You could say to her, “This is really thoughtful of you, but I don’t think I’ll be able to attend these lectures. Is there anyone else you might be able to pass this along to? I’d hate to feel like I’m squandering your generosity.”
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