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Ask Amy: Blindsided wife wonders, ‘what’s next?’

Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

Immediately gather all of your tax returns, retirement accounts, income statements, deeds, and any other financial records, and make an extra set of copies. Your husband cannot force you to sell your house on his timetable. Do not agree to anything until you are certain it is the wisest course for you.

Your husband has been deceiving you and has spent the last year strategizing and putting his plan firmly in place without giving you the benefit of any warning. That is both cowardly and brazen.

Until your relationship stabilizes, I don’t think it’s wise to believe everything he says (or possibly anything he says) about his decision or the reasons behind it.

I realize that this is a highly charged and emotional time, but if you start to focus on some of these business matters, you will gain some clarity and feel less blindsided.

It would be a big help if you could confide in savvy and stalwart friends or family members. You need people who will not add to the drama, but be a sounding board for you. This is an extremely challenging and emotional time – a time of deep sadness, confusion, and anger. A compassionate therapist would be invaluable. An in-person or online divorce support group will offer you ongoing help and advice.

Dear Amy: I'm a millennial male about to turn 40 next year.

 

When I was 26, the "Great Recession" hit and my business sunk. I had to move back with my parents for a few years and I was deeply depressed.

I eventually built another business and got back on my feet. I was able to travel to four continents and nine countries. These were my modest life goals.

I have no wife, kids, or pets. I try to help others and volunteer monthly. I also support charities through financial giving.

I feel like I've already accomplished my goals before age 40. This is a good and bad thing because I'm slightly bored.

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