Ask Amy: Abusive mother now solicits funds by lying
– Tired of Being a Scapegoat
Dear Scapegoat: Yes, you should reach out to your relatives and tell them simply and plainly the truth about your own life.
Compose a letter or email. Word it carefully. Express something along these lines: “I have recently become aware that my mother has told you that I have drug problems or other legal problems, and has used this as a reason to accept money from you. This is not true, and I’m concerned that you might be giving her money under false pretenses. I have never needed or accepted any money from Mom, but I am aware that she has had financial troubles of her own. I’m not sure what is going on with her, but I miss you all very much, and would really like to be in touch. I am doing very well [let them know a few details about your life] and am looking forward to hearing from you.”
Dear Amy: My only daughter has been married for 15 years. She and her husband have three children. About twice a year, I invite her out for a girls’ night.
We usually go to a movie and will then try a new restaurant.
Her husband will then complain that we chose a movie that he was wanting to see and that he would have liked to try that restaurant.
He thinks I should invite him to come along.
Amy, most woman enjoy having a girls’ night out, and men enjoy having a mens’-only activity, like a motorcycle trip, hunting, fishing, etc.
Her husband is a little shy and doesn’t make friends easily.
I don’t want to stop our girls-only night out, but I don’t want him to gripe at her about it, either.