Ask Amy: Dad moved in, now – how to get him out?
Is there a way I can mediate this situation to take some of the burden of Brad?
– Supportive Friend
Dear Supportive: “Brad’s” father might be nervous about returning to his home post-surgery, and since he seems to have settled into his son’s home so thoroughly, he has no incentive to leave.
If Brad and his dad’s physician are certain his father has recovered and is safe living on his own, Brad could set a quick deadline for his father to return to his own house. This should be conveyed in a neutral, no-nonsense, friendly and firm fashion: “Dad, it’s time to get you back home so we can all get back into our routines. I’m going to take you back on Friday, so let’s start getting you packed up.”
If his father balks, Brad could suggest that he needs to “give it a try,” and Brad could stay overnight with him there to make sure he can get reacclimated. The son should offer lots of reassurance.
Brad (and you) should help him to get moved in and settled and should prepare a meal and eat with him.
Brad should make sure his father has access to nutritious and easy-to-prepare food.
His father might also benefit from a “life alert”-type system, which can offer a safety net for those living alone, and peace of mind for their loved ones.
Dear Amy: When my husband died, one of his friends started calling me. I got a small amount of life insurance and within six months he asked to borrow some money. I had him sign a note.
He paid monthly until I sold my house and moved to a smaller place. Then he stopped paying and answering my calls.
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