Ask Amy: Daughter-in-law is a ‘second chance’ skeptic
– On the Fence
Dear On the Fence: I’m of the general opinion that when someone humbly asks for a second chance, they should be offered that chance – with some conditions attached to protect the emotional safety of all involved.
You don’t mention whether your mother-in-law has done this before. A master-manipulator will go back to the “second chance” storyline repeatedly. This is all part of the destabilizing process.
Recipients of this manipulative treatment eventually realize that while hope springs eternal, emotional wells do run dry.
The benefit of approaching this as a couple is that you and your husband can both have this experience with his mother at the same time, and while you will likely have different takes on what has transpired after the fact, you will at least have the opportunity to gauge your mother-in-law’s intent, her sincerity, and her prospects for success.
It is wise to put up some walls during this encounter, but don’t put up your dukes.
Children of disruptors face perennial challenges. Even if you choose to completely disengage, don’t prevent your husband from trying to have a relationship with his troublesome mother. If he does, he will need a gentle partner in his corner.
Dear Amy: I recently moved to a great community.
I thought I had made some friends here.
However, I recently began to complain to the neighborhood association about a business near my home.
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