Ask Amy: Addiction is a family disease
On the one hand, you are in an ideal position to identify the enabling structure of your husband’s relationship with her.
On the other, you lack empathy for this particular parent. Your frustration seems to have gotten in the way of your compassion.
Both of you should urge your daughter toward rehab and recovery. That’s it. Everything else is just noise: her noise (excuses, blaming, self-hatred), his noise (buying her flimsy cover-ups) – and yours, too.
Change might happen when both you and your husband simply stay quiet. He needs to stop filling in his daughter’s sentences.
You should be supportive and compassionate toward him, while guarding your own life, home, and bank account.
I highly recommend a “friends and family” support group for you. The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration runs a very useful “help line,” connecting family members to local groups for help. Check samhsa.gov for more.
Dear Amy: Due to an undiagnosed learning disability, I graduated from college with a couple of C’s and one D on my undergraduate transcript. Hardly a picture-perfect finish.
Fast-forward a few years and I realized that I wanted to become a science teacher.
I approached College A to begin a teacher licensing program and was accepted with the caveat that I meet with the department head.
The meeting was one of the most degrading experiences I've ever had. He was aggressive, rude, and condescending to me. He told me: “You will never be a good science teacher with a grade like this.”
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