Ask Amy: Grieving spouse searches for help
Is there any point in kindly telling her that trying to broker a friendship is useless? Mind you, there is no animosity, but I resent Mom’s attempts to make us closer but wonder if at her age I should just continue to politely decline the opportunities she proposes?
– Once Bitten
Dear Bitten: Cordial is great. No animosity might be the best you can do. I wish more people learned how to retreat to politeness, rather than revert to drama or total estrangement.
When your mother tries to broker more closeness, you could respond: “Mom, we’re good. If my sister wants to spend more time with me, she can get in touch, OK?”
Dear Amy: “Tested, not Texted” was bothered because her husband was texting their female friend. Why on Earth would you suggest that she look to make “changes”? Why should SHE change? HE needs to change.
I’m disappointed in you.
– Upset Reader
Dear Upset: Tested’s husband had declared that he would not do anything differently.
The “change” I mentioned was an implied suggestion that she might choose to change her marital status.
========
(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)
©2021 Amy Dickinson. Distributed by Tribune Content Agency, LLC.
