Ask Amy: At this school, leadership is paid in pizza
Here's the kicker: She is angry with me for feeling sad about the divorce.
She says that my sadness makes her sad, and this is where I feel at a loss for what I'm supposed to do or say.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think it's absurd to feel happy that she loved me, and that we were together, and sad that the relationship is ending. I don't understand how she expects those things to suddenly not matter to me when I lose them.
I don't see how I can be wrong to feel internally sad about losing someone's love and losing a relationship, but that's how she's making me feel – as if I am in the wrong.
It feels like she's asking me to strive for some relationship ideal of committing but not really caring how things turn out.
Am I missing something here?
– Not Supposed To Feel Sad?
Dear Sad: The only thing you’re missing here is the central and also the toughest lesson to be gleaned from a heart-rending breakup: Your partner no longer gets to voice an opinion about your emotions.
The person initiating the breakup often wants to relieve their own guilt by insisting that this is really the best course for their partner.
Your wife is angry because your sadness reminds her of what she has done.
...continued
