Ask Amy: In-laws bully family members
Dear Husband: First, I think you should pat yourself on the back for raising children who will stand up for others. Your kids are also of the ages where (in my opinion) spending time with their grandparents should be optional.
You don’t note whether the kids swore you to secrecy, but they were involved in a family incident that included their mother and you. They handled it, and then they told you about it, because now they want you to handle it, too.
This dynamic involves your entire family, and you have a responsibility to discuss it with your wife.
If your kids said to you, “We don’t like the way our grandparents treat us, but please don’t say anything to Mom,” you should have responded, “Whatever hurts you, hurts me. But I cannot keep this from your mother, because we are a team.”
Yes, your wife should defend you. There should be clear consequences for anyone treating you or your children with disrespect.
But before you bring this up, keep in mind that she is afraid of her parents. This behavior is not a function of being Episcopalian (far from it!). They are bullies, and they scare her into behaving in a way that I doubt she is proud of.
I once witnessed an outrageous bullying incident. People just stood there, frozen. Freezing, or fleeing, are typical reactions.
In the future, lead the way and stand up for yourself and your family.
Stay calm, stay cool, and brook no argument. Your kids will be proud.
Dear Amy: Although social distancing may be more challenging for extroverts, I think my husband is becoming obsessive about having workers visit our home, ever since we began isolating, due to the pandemic.
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