ArcaMax

Dear C & C: I’m so sorry you are going through this. At times of high stress (and most other times, too), it helps to break things down into manageable portions. You need to try your hardest — every single day — not to get ahead of yourself.

I hope you can communicate frankly with your mother regarding her illness. Has she gotten a second (or third) opinion? Is her cancer treatable? I think it’s relatively common to have an all-or-nothing reaction to a cancer diagnosis, until a person fully understands the illness and their various treatment options.

Would she be willing to participate on a group call with you and your siblings, so that you will all have the same information from her?

Please, don’t plan your mother’s funeral. She is still here, and you should abide with her through the different stages of her emotions, even if you are not able to be physically close to her.

If your stress is off the charts and obvious to your children, you can say to them that you miss seeing your mom and that sometimes you worry about her. Children can be deeply empathetic and compassionate when they see a parent in pain. If they can help you, it will help them, but don’t talk to them about your mother’s prognosis until you know more.

Dear Amy: My mother mentioned to me that my brother is shopping for an engagement ring for his girlfriend of many years.

I don't particularly like her. I don’t like how she treats him and how he treats her.

I think he deserves someone who makes him happy. I know it's not my decision to make. Maybe they are happy, but my family stresses them out so they are unpleasant to each other whenever they are around us.

With the holidays coming up, I imagine he will find a time to tell me that he's proposing.

How am I supposed to react? I don't want to alienate him by saying, "I think you deserve better, but it's your choice," but I would be lying if I pretended to be excited.

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