Ask Amy: New mom needs respite and empathy
Dear Amy: I am married to a man with three kids. The oldest is 18, and he has two much younger children.
The oldest (a daughter) lives in another state. She doesn't have the best relationship with her dad (my husband).
When we first got together, my husband was still getting divorced, so it was a lot of drama.
I am only 29 and have never been with a man who has children.
His oldest is angry that I never reached out to her.
In my defense, we were going to visit last year, and I thought we would meet then. But she wouldn't meet because she was mad at us. Should I reach out now?
— Wondering
Dear Wondering: You are likely closer in age to your husband’s daughter than you are to him, and yet you seem to have completely forgotten what it was like to be a teenage girl.
From the timing you suggest, this girl’s formative teen years were consumed by her folks’ dramatic breakup. You and her father didn’t wait for his divorce to start dating (kids keep score, her mother has probably mentioned this a few hundred times, and these things matter to them).
Step-parenting always begins with friendship, and friendships are the result of bids for connection.
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