Ask Amy: Scheduling snafu leads to silence, and worry
At this point, you might assume that if something serious had happened to her, you would have found out about it, if not through her, then through social media. If something has happened to a family member and you haven’t been notified, then you are not close enough to her to have been told about it.
People get busy. Things come up.
I think you should let things lie for now. Send her a Christmas card this year, saying: “So sorry for our scheduling snafu back in the fall! I look forward to catching up in 2021.”
Dear Amy: My longtime friend has asked me to be a bridesmaid at her upcoming wedding. Unfortunately, we recently experienced a falling out that we are not openly acknowledging. We are carrying on, pretending that we have a friendship that we seem to have outgrown.
Given the circumstances, I feel somewhat uncomfortable playing this role on her special day. She has voiced her dissatisfaction with me to her fiance, friends (who are part of the wedding party), and family members.
I'm sensitive to the humiliation I may experience going through with this, but I know she'll be terribly offended if I acknowledge the rift between us.
What do I do, Amy?
— Bewildered Bridesmaid
Dear Bewildered: You should acknowledge the current dynamic, judiciously and respectfully, and give her the option of having you step down from your bridesmaid status if she would like.
Say to her: “There has been tension between us lately, and I want you to know that I will step down as a bridesmaid if you want. I want you to have the best day possible. I will stand up with you with a smile, or quietly withdraw with no hard feelings.”
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