Ask Amy: Friend is worried about pal’s abusive marriage
— Sad and Confused
Dear Sad: People who are near the end of their lives sometimes withdraw from even close friends and family members.
I have experienced this with family members, and understand that it is painful to be on the receiving end of this sort of decision.
Shoot a video of yourself and send it to your father’s partner so she can show it to him. Tell him how much you love him, share some happy or funny memories, and express your gratitude to him.
Yes, you should also travel to where you father lives (do not ask to stay in their home). Tell his partner that you understand that he doesn’t want to see you, but that you want to be nearby.
Do not sweep in and make this last period of your father’s life about you and your needs. In being present, mindful, respectful, and helpful, you will find that some of your own needs will be met, and yes, you will have fewer regrets.
Dear Amy: No, no, no! Your response to “Rightful Owner” was so off base. This man’s wife basically commandeered the family car to take her daughter-in-law and her kids to the airport, when the DIL had a perfectly good car of her own.
Yet another example of male bias.
— Disgusted
Dear Disgusted: What I objected to was the way he responded to this challenge, which was to take off in the car on the day of the trip, leaving others to scramble. I thought his behavior was cowardly.
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(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)
