Ask Amy: ‘Frequent Flyer’ explains landing at home
Dear Red-faced: I agree with you that your friend should have opened his “no gifts” gifts (and expressed his gratitude) privately, but it’s his party.
You should respect his “no gifts” wishes this year, anticipate the possibility that he will give a repeat performance, and just roll with it. Pour yourself a cup of coffee, enjoy an extra piece of cake, and nod politely.
Dear Amy: We had a similar situation as "No Peace," with a 26-year-old son who lived at home and did not contribute to the household and showed no inclination to ever live an adult life.
As a stepmother, I wanted my husband to start charging his son rent to at least cover our expenses.
He was not comfortable with that, or with asking him to move out, and because of the increasing tension we finally sought out a counselor.
She had a brilliant suggestion: Charge him rent, but put it in a nest egg account to give to him for when he finally did move out.
Well, the nest egg never got very big because within six weeks he had found a better job and a place to live.
He is now married with three children, and is thankful that we gave him the push that he needed to move forward with his life.
— Win-Win Scenario
Dear Win-Win: The answer is to make expectations reasonable, clear, and consequential.
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(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)
