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However, you entered the household when “Franklin” was 10. He is now 20. You co-own the house you all live in and you contribute to Franklin’s support in many ways. You are one of Franklin’s parents!

It doesn’t seem to have occurred to you or your husband that you two are basically holding this young man back and contributing to his delinquency.

Franklin will NEVER help with housework, because he has never faced reasonable expectations and proportional consequences.

He needs to be out on his own, where he will more directly determine his own destiny. You should calmly state your expectation to both your husband and your stepson. His 21st birthday would be a reasonable deadline. You and his dad can continue to be supportive coaches from the sidelines. A counselor could help you two to sort out the inevitable tension about this.

Dear Amy: You recently affirmed an elderly couple’s choice that they would “rather die of COVID than loneliness.” If COVID-19 were any other disease, I would agree with the elderly parents and their "right to choose." However, this is a nasty, highly infectious disease that is putting healthcare workers — from doctors to janitors — through the wringer.

If the elderly parents were to get infected, it would NOT just affect them. It would put healthcare workers who end up caring for them in danger. And in that case, it's not a choice, but an honorable duty. We've lost nearly 1,000 healthcare workers to COVID-19, and the number will surely grow as we gather more data and the pandemic unravels.

There still is a PPE shortage, putting our healthcare workers at risk every day they care for COVID-19 patients.

Healthcare workers are suffering major burnout and PTSD from working in this unprecedented crisis. Many say they used to see two deaths a year on their ward, and now it's up to two a day. This has major lasting emotional effects, similar to veterans of war.

The elderly parents, if sick, would take up a bed and medical resources that could go to someone else, someone who hasn't chosen death.

I urge people to realize that this is bigger than any one person. We're truly all in it together. — Alex

Dear Alex: You are absolutely right. Thank you so much for offering this heartbreaking perspective.

Dear Amy: Thank you for your thoughtful response to “Mindful,” the husband who was “patrolling his wife’s feelings.” You pointed out that “family members are great at noticing patterns” in behavior.

So true! I wish my family members had as much respect for my insights into their behavior. — Sister

Dear Sister: Your tone might be sardonic, but I reckon you’ve got some real wisdom to share.

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(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)