Ask Amy: Future bride doesn't want to marry in-laws
This is a test of your ability to tolerate people you don't respect, and behavior you don't like. My suggestion is that you figure out how not to care so much about what they think and how they behave, unless their behavior is directed specifically toward you. Given your own strong and outspoken nature, I wonder if you are capable of detaching to this extent.
It is also vital that you and your fiancé be on the same page regarding their debt, money trouble, and requests for bailouts. This will likely get more intense as they age.
This is a topic you and your fiancé should discuss at length in your premarital counseling sessions. Of the two of you, he's the one I truly worry about. If things continue as they are, he is going to feel trapped between two cyclones.
Dear Amy, I've noticed that my mom seems to be much more tired and stressed out lately than she usually is.
I desperately want to help her, but I don't know how.
Any suggestions?
-- Worried 12-year-old
Dear Worried: This is a really stressful time for everyone - you included. You can ask your mom if there are some household chores you could take on, like clearing the table and doing the dishes after dinner, scouring the bathtub, watering the plants, and taking care of your pets (if you have them).
Your mom is probably like most moms - and she doesn't want you to worry about her. You doing well in your own life (school, activities, and friendships) will help her a lot, because knowing you are OK is probably her first priority.
And kind gestures like bringing her a cup of her favorite tea and leaving her a note on the kitchen table (telling her how much you appreciate her), will make her feel really loved and taken care of. This will help with her stress.
Dear Amy: "Paul" wrote to you, expressing his reluctance to give out his phone number to the receptionist when he gets his hair cut, or to the greeter when he is waiting for a table at a restaurant.
Paul should realize that his phone number could be crucial in the current pandemic fight. Phone numbers can be used for "contact tracing," if there is an outbreak.
-- Avid Reader
Dear Reader: I've been reading about how useful our phones will become in terms of tracking the COVID virus. Thank you.
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(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)
