ArcaMax

Given what you describe about your affair partner and her tight family, she may choose to stay in her marriage.

Many huge life choices boil down to the tension inherent in the need to live in relationship to others -- and yet not be controlled by them.

I would never want to judge or deny any two good people a beautiful late life love. But to conduct your relationship with integrity, you will both have to make some tough choices, understanding that your choices will hurt some other people.

Dear Amy: I suppose everyone reacts to the stress of this pandemic in different ways, but I am finding myself very annoyed and resentful -- even hurt -- by the way that "friends" and relatives are coming out of the woodwork to call, email or text, wanting to be in touch.

I even got a message yesterday from a woman I haven't seen or heard from since high school (55 years ago) wanting to "catch up." These are the same people who could never be bothered to respond to cards, calls, emails in the past because their lives were "so busy."

Trust me, my life was as busy as theirs, but I could make time to reach out to people. They now open a call or email: "I'm so bored I thought I would call you." Or "I have nothing better to do so I thought we could email back and forth." REALLY? Is that supposed to make me feel good or glad to hear from them?

I would have been very happy to stay in touch over the years because I once cared for these people. But I certainly don't feel valued or important to them now if the only reason they are in touch is because they need something to do to relieve their boredom.

I don't know how to respond. Do I ignore them? Do I pretend that I'm happy to hear from them?

-- Too Little, Too Late

Dear Too Late: You are feeling defensive about the way people from your long-off past are reaching out, but before you blow them off, you should examine your own reaction to determine if you are perhaps shooting yourself in the foot.

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