ArcaMax

Dear Momma: This episode might be teaching you some important lessons about divorce: You should not sleep with your ex while you are in the process of "working out the details." Continued sexual intimacy does not lead to an amicable divorce - it keeps you involved with one another at a time when you should be learning how to detach from one another.

The second lesson is harder: Your now ex-husband has the right to cultivate other relationships, and unless you two agreed to a limit on friends interacting with your daughter during custody, you are both free to do so.

You seem to know "Cindy" quite well. You tried to derail the relationship with your ex by reporting it to her husband, but that didn't work out for you.

It rankles to see another woman grow close to your child. But - if these interactions are positive and benign - then you will have to learn to tolerate them. If you suspect that these interactions are not benign, then you should contact your lawyer. (Giving gifts to your daughter qualifies as "benign.")

Do not discourage your daughter from developing a friendship with Cindy. The last thing you want to do is to encourage her to keep her experiences while with her father a secret, for fear of how you might react.

Dear Amy: My husband and I have been married for over 50 years. We were young, and I guess didn't really know each other.

We have little in common. I don't have any feelings toward him.

He will do just about anything for me when I'm ill. We don't argue. But we don't agree on where to go and what to do on trips. He'd rather walk around while I want to be more active -- sailing, hiking, skiing, and traveling the world.

At times I've thought of leaving, but I can't afford to live on my own. We went to counseling many years ago, but he wasn't into it and the counselor focused on my leaving rather than working things out.

I'm not totally unhappy, just very sad. I feel as if my life is wasted. Any suggestions for navigating this long-term relationship with my husband?

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