Ask Amy: Brother is estranged over father's gift
Dear Brother: One way forward would be for you to reach out in a more proactive way, where you would be hopeful of receiving some clarity, while remaining realistic about a murky outcome.
You could send an open-ended communication: "Hey, I'm in town with Graham and his family. Their little newborn is still in the hospital. Can we talk while I'm here?"
Your brother will either not respond at all, or he will wait until just before you leave the country and then give you a brief, noncommittal response. Then you can ask, "Are you OK? Is there something going on that you could tell me about?"
He may respond to these nonjudgmental queries in a way that gives you more to go on. When people withdraw and don't explain why, it is tempting -- and easiest -- to jump to the harshest conclusion. You can certainly write off your brother as a selfish jerk, but you might as well wait until you have at least tried to connect.
Dear Amy: A former co-worker has moved into my area and wants to have a friendly relationship with my husband and me.
We had lunch one time and my husband and I were uncomfortable with the conversation.
Politically, this person is very conservative and vocal. We are not.
We have had no contact for many months until yesterday when I received an email saying they would like to get together "sooner rather than later."
How can I tactfully decline and not hurt their feelings?
-- Wondering
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