ArcaMax

Dear Amy: I've been friends with "Marian" since grade school. We're now in our 60s and live in the same neighborhood.

Although our lives took different paths at times, I consider her like family.

We've always been there for each other, but lately I'm feeling a lot of negative judgment from her, even concerning trivial things.

Instead of being supportive or even just sympathetic, she's taken to chastising me in almost a parental tone, or by minimizing my discomfort.

Growing up, she made some bad choices (we all do) but I always helped where I could and stood behind her. I'm reaching the point where I have to avoid certain subjects because I don't want the criticism. The other night she responded to my defensive mood saying she can have an opposing opinion. But it's the way she goes at it. And sometimes all you want is to vent to a friend. I know there's more to this, it's not just about me, but what do I do?

-- BFFs?

Dear BFF: Yes, sometimes all you want is to vent to a friend. But are you venting too often? Are you listening as much as you are talking?

You should "rerack" this conversation, back up, and express: "You seem very frustrated, but I want you to know that there are times when I just hope for a sympathetic ear. Having you really hear me means so much."

You should also pay close attention to your defensive reaction when your friend weighs in. Often, defensiveness means that you are clinging to a position that should be examined -- and perhaps abandoned.

Dear Amy: "Buzz Killed in Boston" complained about co-workers' incessant morbid ramblings.

I worked in a nursing home for 43 years. I helped residents with their mail. It seemed to me that all the old people wrote about was their aches, pains and death.

Now that I'm 66, I don't bore others with aches and pains. My mom had MS, broke her hip three times, and NEVER talked about her health troubles. Talking all day about troubles IS boring.

-- Learned From Mom

Daer Learned: My mother also had chronic health problems and NEVER mentioned them because she understood that this reportage IS boring.

However, "Buzz Killed" was referring to colleagues recounting losses (deaths and illnesses) of family members. I put this in a different category.

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(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)