ArcaMax

Perhaps you remember your own life about three decades ago, when your peers (and possibly you, also) were all talking about pregnancy, childbirth, the terrible twos, or your terrible bosses.

Yes, back in those days there were probably people who laid on too much graphic detail in recounting their childbirth stories. I'd venture that these might be the same people who offer up too much detail (for you) regarding their loved-ones' illness or death stories.

However, what your cohorts are doing is not mindless, tactless talk. They are narrating their lives. What you describe as a "morbid competition" might otherwise be seen as "relating."

You may declare that reporting on, recounting and remembering your loved ones is bad form, but (in my view) this is a matter of opinion. I agree that going on and on in a larger social setting and describing (private) medical details about a perfect stranger is not polite or pro-social behavior.

But -- anyone who wants to talk about and/or remember a loved-one is welcome to sit by me (and that includes you).

If someone is engaged in a topic that makes you genuinely uncomfortable, you can gently try to change the subject by saying, "I'm so sorry to hear all of this. I seem to remember that you are planning a long trip this summer. Will you still be able to do that?" Or, you could pull the person off of sharing medical details by asking pointed questions about the subject's life, such as where (and how) they lived, versus how they are dying.

Dear Amy: My sister-in-law had minor surgery.

I made a few frozen casserole "comfort food" dishes for her and my brother-in-law to consume during her recovery.

Generally, it is acknowledged that I am a good cook.

When I next saw them, they returned one of the casseroles, saying that it is a dish that they don't care for. I know that it is something they eat.

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